


Summertime Sadness

by infinitewritings



Series: The Untold Love Story of Bucky Barnes [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Lana Del Ray, Memories, Military, Reminiscing, Song Lyrics, Songfic, singer - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 16:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5547461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitewritings/pseuds/infinitewritings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky got his orders to be shipped out. She is reminiscing about her time with him as she patiently waits for his return.<br/>(Before he fell off the train and around the time Steve asks Colonel Chester Phillips about Bucky.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Summertime Sadness

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to Lana Del Ray and felt very emotional as I do about Bucky Barnes. Then somehow I put words together and this came up. I hope this makes sense and feels like a nice read. As usual, I was very nervous posting this so please leave your thoughts.  
> This is for my pleasure but I thought it would be nice to share.

                                                                               

      _The sound of the gushing water had filled the room. The voices of the children playing outside sneaked in through the cracked windows. It was nice. There was a sense of happiness and content as she scrubbed the dishes. She was lost in her thoughts; the room blending in as she slipped deeper into her mind. It was those moments when people slip back into their pasts to think what they did to get where they are now. She always wants to remember that night. It was late. They were alone but there was a connection. She remembered like it happened yesterday. A happiness fills over her. It was comforting. This was where she wanted to be._  
_The door opened, sending a long squeal into the house. It was probably time to oil the hinges. She pulled up her shoulders at the sound, shaking her head._  
_“You have to fix the door if you want to sneak up on me.” She spoke up as she heard feet shuffling behind her._  
_“Hey, doll.” Bucky placed a soft peck on her cheek as she leaned in towards the source of the voice. She placed the plate properly back into the sink —shaking her hands from the access water— and turned towards him. She leaned her back towards the edge of the sink to get a better look at him._  
_“You look nice.” He was wearing his uniform —with the hat styled on an angle and the green tie shining in its silky fabric._  
_“That I do, always. Now I have some good news.”_  
_“I can always take some of those.” He grinned at her as he reached into his pocket and fetched out a pressed paper._  
_“I’ve been assigned!” She tried —she really did— to keep her smile up. But her face dropped. Him being assigned means he has to leave soon. Him holding that paper means he’s going into the gunfire. She knows this is what he does but the thought in her head scared her._  
_——_  
  
     The hall was full. The lights illuminated the stage and a low murmur with soft background music filled the room. A lone mic stood in the middle of the stage, just waiting to be sung into. The band was preparing their instruments while keeping their conversation quiet. It was a good evening.   
    She sat in her chair fixing her hair as the picture of her and Bucky was smiling back at her. This was her way to calming her nerves as big crowds still intimidated her. Large crowds, all those eyes scared her. Every time. Bucky always tried to attend her performances, he always wanted to listen to her sweet melodies. This was where he fell in love with her, where she made his heart dance. And ever since then, he came and watched her and fell in love with her more and more. But today, there would be no sign of him. So, she took in a deep breath, stuck the last piece of her hair in a bobby pin and smiled at the photograph. She could still remember every moment she's spent with him. He made her better. Bucky was still encouraging her. This was for Bucky, like always.   
    The crowd saw her walk in as she flashed a smile in their directions. The conversations died down to a small murmur. The plates made quieter sounds as the eyes followed her. Her songs were the main highlight. She was the main highlight; everyone waited for her. This was her moment. Anticipation hung in the air, everyone was waiting. A bright light surrounded her as she closed her eyes, envisioning her love and took in a deep breath.  _I miss you, Bucky._    
_——_  
      _Bucky reached around her waist as she prepared the dinner. He buried his face in her shoulder as the fragrance of her shampoo surrounded him. It was calming. She calmed him down. As if, all the uncertainty and the nervousness he ever felt would wash away when he was with her. She made him better. Bucky wished that they continue these moments for ever. She moved her head to the side as he kept trying to bury his face in her neck. He needed her close. He needed to keep her scent in his memory as long he would be away from her._  
_"Bucky..."_  
_"Hmm?"_  
_"Do you have to go?" He nodded his head. She stayed silent._  
_"Doll."_  
_"I don't want you to go.” Silence took over. Bucky knew she didn’t want him to leave. Bucky knew loved him. And Bucky knew that she knew what this meant to him. He pulled away and looked into her eyes. There was a sort of sadness in them-no tears, she wouldn’t cry. But they were hurt and confused. Bucky cupped her face in his hands._  
_“Love, I know. But this is important to me. I want to stay with you, I promise you. I want to you hand me my lunch every morning and let me go with a kiss. I want to come back at the end of the day and smell fragrance of the dinner you’re making. I want that. And you want that. But I need to do this first. I need to go serve my purpose.”_  
_“Bucky-“ There came the tears._  
_“I love you, doll. But I need to do this.”_  
_——_  
Her voice was smoky. Yet at the same time, there was gruff and icy. Her eyes followed each person she could find. The sound of her voice carried around the room. There was heartbreak vibrating through the words. A sort of vulnerability pulsed through her. The crowd exposed her. But she had everyone in her control. Everyone stayed hypnotized as she held the mic in her hand and walked down the stairs, off the stage and on the dinner floor. She kept singing. This was her zone. This was what she knows, what she owns. Her words.   
  
                                                                                         I’m feelin’ electric tonight,  
                                                                                  Cruising down the coast goin’ ‘bout 99;  
                                                                                   Got my bad baby by my heavenly side.  
                                                                                      I know if I go, I’ll die happy tonight.  
_——_  
_The radio was on. There was constant news about the war, talking about how much destruction was being caused, about the death rate constantly rising. It was very systematic and Bucky needed to hear it. He needed the new information, he had to be prepared. She had her back turned towards him, the house was quiet. He was sprawled on the sofa as the news kept talking. Bucky looked towards her; he knew the news bothered her, it made her anxious, but he knew she listened to it for him. But he couldn’t let her listen to this today. Instead today, he reached for the knob on the radio and turned it._  
_There was static, there was changing of channels. Bucky was changing channels, he was skipping out on the news. She raised her eyebrows but didn’t question him. She kept an ear perked towards him. Bucky was doing something._  
_There was music instead of a monotonous voice listing the new statistics._  
_But music._  
_It was a song. Just a random song. Bucky spun her around and she started at him with wide eyes and wet hands._  
_“Buck-“_  
_“Dance with me.” He had his flirty smirk plastered on his face. The same smirk he had showed her when he talked to her after her performance. He wanted to dance then._  
_“Dance? Here? Bucky-“_  
_“I need a dance before I leave, doll. Come on, the song isn’t waiting for us.” He pulled her closer and they were moving to the tunes. His fingers tangled with her and the other hand on her waist. She ducked her face to keep her blushing cheeks from his sight but he kept going. His eyes stayed on her and they continued. The music flowed from the radio and they moved back and forth._  
_“Bucky there isn’t enough room here.” He ignored her protest and held her hand and spun her out from her arm and pulled her back in. It was perfect. Her back facing him, he placed a kiss on her neck and spun her to face him. And he dipped her as he leaned down with her. Their eyes never pulled away. The song ended and they stayed._  
_Staring into each other’s eyes._  
_In a middle of a dip in the middle of their room. He pulled her up and crashed their lips together._  
_——_  
                                                                           Kiss me hard before you, Summertime sadness.  
                                                                       I just wanted you to know, that, baby, you’re the best.    
  
     Memories always found a way to creep into her mind. She walked back up the step, back to the marker and continued her words. Their memories. Remembering those moments made her feel like Bucky was here. He’s been gone a while now. It was a different season when he left. Time was just flying by. She had her memories to help her through this before he came back.  
  
                                                                              I got that summertime, summertime sadness.  
                                                                                     Summertime, summertime sadness.  
                                                                               Got that summertime, summertime sadness.   
  
     She had just started singing the next verse when her eyes did the thing they always do. Her eyes scanned the room and not just the guests this time but also the waitresses and the background singers. They weren’t waitressing. They weren’t background singing. They hunched together, whispering. Her brows pulled together she half-heartedly continued the next words. Something was wrong.  
     That’s when they looked at her. They were sad. They’re eyes were sad. Something is wrong.   
     There was a letter in their hands.   
     She knew that letter. She knew that look, she’s given that look. It was a sympathy look. It was a “I don’t know how to help you but I’m here for you” look. It was the look people gave to those who received that letter.  
     Her voice was dry, the words were not forming. She had a feeling. She knew. The waitress held the letter and walked up to the stage not caring about the performance. No one ever cared about anything when the letter came. Her friend couldn’t look her in the eyes as she handed the paper over. Until the letter was in her hand, she didn’t know she was shaking. She’s scared. She knows.  
  
                                                          Think I’ll miss you forever, like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky.  
  
     How she ended up her backstage room she didn’t know. But she was alone. There was dim music seeping in through the door cracks. The clock was ticking. Everything was doing **something.**  But she was there, in the midst of everything but not moving, not doing anything.  
     But crying. She had her mouth covered but she was crying, shaking and clutching the letter in her hands. Her world just crumbled and there was no life line anywhere. She took in deep breaths and looked around the room. The room looked calm and collected. The room was clean. The room had an "I want you" Captain America poster.   
And everything in an instant was gone. The lipsticks flew on the ground, the bobby pins, the face products. Everything. She ripped that Captain America poster and cried. She continued crying. None of this brought him back. No mess, no crying would bring him back. Nothing could take back those words.   
     "It is my painful duty to inform you of the death of Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th. He marched into the most fortified territory in Europe yet, regrettably he did not return.”   
_——_  
_The boys kept snickering. It was a light feeling. It was better this way, at least she wasn't crying. The station was packed. People were saying their goodbyes to their loved ones and promising them they will return. There were emotions everywhere. Sadness was turned into smiles. Everyone wanted them to be safe. She needed Bucky to be safe._  
_The entire time here she didn't let go his hand. And she still didn't want to because at the back of her mind she still hoped he wouldn't go. If she held his hand tight enough, long enough he would stay. But nothing was working. He was just as stubborn as his friend Steve. They both needed to fight for the other and nothing could stop them._  
_So still she accompanied him and tried to stay by his side as long she could._  
_"Are you planning on keeping the hat crooked when you meet your captain?"_  
_"Oh I could never." Before Bucky could reach up, she held his hat and tried straightening it._  
_"Just kiss your girl already we can't stall for your love story lovebirds." One of Bucky's bunker called out and again the snickers started. Bucky looked at her whose cheeks turned a light hint of red. Her hand was still on his hat when he reached up and pulled it down to the side of his face and leaned down and kissed her. The kiss seemed private, they both knew it wasn't but it was their moment._  
_She didn't want to let go of the kiss. Maybe if she kept the longer he could stay. But she knew he wouldn't._  
_The horn of the train screamed and the rest of the men said their goodbyes and walked onto the train after giving Bucky a pat-_ Hurry up but take your time. Bucky flashed them a smile and looked back at her.   
_"I love you, doll. I'll miss your voice." And again, he leaned down, palmed her cheeks, looked into her eyes and kissed her. The kiss was soft. It wasn't playful like before, this was serious. Bucky placed a soft, prolonged kiss on her forehead and turned away. He was leaving. She needed him to stay. She needed to say something, do something. Bucky had to stay._  
_But he couldn't._  
_And she wouldn't make him._  
_"Bucky." She gripped on his sleeve. He didn't fight the halt and instead towards back to her. Her tears glistened in the light and his smile was no where near his face. He didn't respond._  
_"I love you, Bucky." These words were clear. He stayed quiet and she kept her grip on his sleeve._  
_"Come back." The sounds of these words barely left her mouth. She whispered them, barely voiced them. But he heard. And he nodded._  
_"I promise, doll." His voice was quiet but she knew what he said. He pulled her close and kissed her again. This kiss was long, they both knew it. It was fast.  They needed it._  
_——_  
                                                                                    Kiss me hard before you go. 

  
_"I promise."_ That was what he had said. He promised to come back to her and to dance with her again and to listen to her voice on the stage. He promised to give her a life where he could back to her at the end of the day. He promised that the love of her life would be back.   
Bucky promised. Bucky promised to come home.   
  
                                                                 I just wanted you to know, that baby, you're the best.   
                                                                      I got that summertime, summertime sadness. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for holding onto all the way to here. Let me know what you think! Thank you so much!  
> 


End file.
